Monday, January 27, 2014

Now enjoy the taste of BEER while getting your sugar fix!

It's like the candy gods have answered my drunken prayers for bite-sized morsels of brew-tastic nectar flavored sugar substitute. Why these are the things I pray for, I'll never know.

Jelly Belly is introducing Draft Beer flavored Jelly Beans! Now I don't have to be ashamed for eating jelly beans with my pizza… my pretzels… my chicken wings… or even while I'm hiding out in my garage avoiding my family because my wife has a to-do list a mile long that needs to be done this instant. Hold on a minute, dear. I'm having a jelly bean snack. And, no, I haven't been drinking. 

After watching this video, all I can think is, "HOLY SHIT!" They were serious? I was expecting John C. Reilly to be the "Research and Development Specialist" in the last interview segment to really take things over the top. Unfortunately, this did not happen.

I've got to give Jelly Belly credit though. That glass of jelly beans sure looks refreshing. I wonder what would happen if you pounded the whole glass and chased it with a frosty pint? No need for chewing. I imaging the candy coating works much like that of an aspirin. Once those bad boys break down in your stomach and mix with all that swishy-swirly barley and hops, HOLD ON! Instant-rock-&-roll-sweet-child-o-mine-super-party-buzz!!! Followed by an intestinal cleansing explosion that would make Mount St. Helens blush. That's how you get the job done, Jelly Belly. Thank you for sharing.  

And is it just me, or did you think everyone in the video was a wee bit intoxicated as well? Below I present Exhibits A-C. Anyways, I hope they didn't eat all the jelly beans. I'm feeling parched. 

Thanks for reading the latest Official Beer Glove product review and drunken rant. I'm heading down to the research lab now to see if we can develop gloves that make it easier to eat jelly beans. Cheers!

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Honey, I'm heading down to the "Breastaraunt" for a couple beers... yes, I'm serious.

Ok. I've trademarked a lot of goofy things. But, this one (tank) tops them all. According to a recent article on MSN Money, Doug Guller, owner of Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill, has officially trademarked the word "breastaraunt."

Guller says he wants to "take back the derogatory term," according to CultureMap Houston. As the country's cleavage-and-chicken-wings industry continues to grow, Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill is staking its claim as America's only Breastaraunt.

This has to have Hooter's, Tilted Kilt and all those other reputable chicken joints shaking in their heels... which I wouldn't mind seeing.

Honestly, I didn't realize there was anything "derogatory" about the concept. Nor did I realize that "Breastaraunt" was actually a term people were using. But, I applaud it ... them ... whatever.

As long as they serve cold beer, I'm buying.

Cheers to the Breastaraunt! Without you, I wouldn't have to lie to my wife about where I'm going to watch the game.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Free Beer for a Free Spirit ... #SolTies

I've been waiting for the day this drawer full of ties would pay off ...

Thanks to Sol, my free spirit is finally being rewarded. I would gladly trade any one of these for a frosty cold one. Now all I have to do is travel to London with a suitcase full of ties. Cheers!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Rejoice! The "Beer Belly" is just a myth!!!

You're not fat because you drink beer. You're fat because you're lazy. Finally! The truth comes out. Now, I don't have to feel so bad about partaking in my favorite libation. Granted, I've lost an excuse for why I'm carrying an extra 20 lbs. around with me, but who cares. It's not beer's fault. And, for that I'm happy. Obviously I'm not happy that I'm overweight. I'm happy that beer doesn't have to take the fall.

A new report by someone who does scientific things says that wine is much, much worse for you than beer (which is cause for concern, since I drink wine too ... but I digress). And orange juice is even worse that wine! And, that's a fruit.

Beer has fewer calories per 100ml than wine, spirits, and even orange juice, it is claimed. 
“Unfortunately beer has this image as a high-calorie, high-fat drink,” Dr O’Sullivan told The Times. “It is very unfair.” 
The report “Beer & calories; a scientific review” points out that the drink contains vitamins, fibre, and antioxidants and minerals such as silicon which may help to lower your risk of osteoporosis. 

Look at that - vitamins, fibre, antioxidants and minerals ... beer is like a health drink. Throw out the Green Tea. I'm drinking beer.

Check out the full article from The Telegraph, here. It's even in their Health section. Now, I may be jumping to conclusions here, but for me that's all I need to know...


T-shirt idea? Maybe. I'll be wearing mine in an Xtra-Small, because with the way I drink I'll be shedding the lbs. fast as lightning.


The Official Beer Glove Crew 

Friday, August 17, 2012

Who says you can't mix beer and religion?

Or was the saying you can't mix religion and politics? I'm not sure. Maybe it was you can't mix religion and weather? In any case, I do enjoy the idea of praying for beer. I also think that Jesus would've been one heck of a beer pong player. 

A Sign of Good Times

I love the small print: "cans and kegs also work in a pinch." 

I concur. From our home to yours, let's drink.