Now enjoy the taste of BEER while getting your sugar fix!

It's like the candy gods have answered my drunken prayers for bite-sized morsels of brew-tastic nectar flavored sugar substitute. Why these are the things I pray for, I'll never know.

Jelly Belly is introducing Draft Beer flavored Jelly Beans! Now I don't have to be ashamed for eating jelly beans with my pizza… my pretzels… my chicken wings… or even while I'm hiding out in my garage avoiding my family because my wife has a to-do list a mile long that needs to be done this instant. Hold on a minute, dear. I'm having a jelly bean snack. And, no, I haven't been drinking. 

After watching this video, all I can think is, "HOLY SHIT!" They were serious? I was expecting John C. Reilly to be the "Research and Development Specialist" in the last interview segment to really take things over the top. Unfortunately, this did not happen.

I've got to give Jelly Belly credit though. That glass of jelly beans sure looks refreshing. I wonder what would happen if you pounded the whole glass and chased it with a frosty pint? No need for chewing. I imaging the candy coating works much like that of an aspirin. Once those bad boys break down in your stomach and mix with all that swishy-swirly barley and hops, HOLD ON! Instant-rock-&-roll-sweet-child-o-mine-super-party-buzz!!! Followed by an intestinal cleansing explosion that would make Mount St. Helens blush. That's how you get the job done, Jelly Belly. Thank you for sharing.  

And is it just me, or did you think everyone in the video was a wee bit intoxicated as well? Below I present Exhibits A-C. Anyways, I hope they didn't eat all the jelly beans. I'm feeling parched. 

Thanks for reading the latest Official Beer Glove product review and drunken rant. I'm heading down to the research lab now to see if we can develop gloves that make it easier to eat jelly beans. Cheers!

Honey, I'm heading down to the "Breastaraunt" for a couple beers... yes, I'm serious.

Ok. I've trademarked a lot of goofy things. But, this one (tank) tops them all. According to a recent article on MSN Money, Doug Guller, owner of Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill, has officially trademarked the word "breastaraunt."

Guller says he wants to "take back the derogatory term," according to CultureMap Houston. As the country's cleavage-and-chicken-wings industry continues to grow, Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill is staking its claim as America's only Breastaraunt.

This has to have Hooter's, Tilted Kilt and all those other reputable chicken joints shaking in their heels... which I wouldn't mind seeing.

Honestly, I didn't realize there was anything "derogatory" about the concept. Nor did I realize that "Breastaraunt" was actually a term people were using. But, I applaud it ... them ... whatever.

As long as they serve cold beer, I'm buying.

Cheers to the Breastaraunt! Without you, I wouldn't have to lie to my wife about where I'm going to watch the game.

Free Beer for a Free Spirit ... #SolTies

I've been waiting for the day this drawer full of ties would pay off ...

Thanks to Sol, my free spirit is finally being rewarded. I would gladly trade any one of these for a frosty cold one. Now all I have to do is travel to London with a suitcase full of ties. Cheers!

Rejoice! The "Beer Belly" is just a myth!!!

You're not fat because you drink beer. You're fat because you're lazy. Finally! The truth comes out. Now, I don't have to feel so bad about partaking in my favorite libation. Granted, I've lost an excuse for why I'm carrying an extra 20 lbs. around with me, but who cares. It's not beer's fault. And, for that I'm happy. Obviously I'm not happy that I'm overweight. I'm happy that beer doesn't have to take the fall.

A new report by someone who does scientific things says that wine is much, much worse for you than beer (which is cause for concern, since I drink wine too ... but I digress). And orange juice is even worse that wine! And, that's a fruit.

Beer has fewer calories per 100ml than wine, spirits, and even orange juice, it is claimed. 

“Unfortunately beer has this image as a high-calorie, high-fat drink,” Dr O’Sullivan told The Times. “It is very unfair.” 

The report “Beer & calories; a scientific review” points out that the drink contains vitamins, fibre, and antioxidants and minerals such as silicon which may help to lower your risk of osteoporosis. 

Look at that - vitamins, fibre, antioxidants and minerals ... beer is like a health drink. Throw out the Green Tea. I'm drinking beer.

Check out the full article from The Telegraph, here. It's even in their Health section. Now, I may be jumping to conclusions here, but for me that's all I need to know...

BEER IS HEALTHY. SCIENCE PROVED IT.

T-shirt idea? Maybe. I'll be wearing mine in an Xtra-Small, because with the way I drink I'll be shedding the lbs. fast as lightning.



Cheers!

The Official Beer Glove Crew 

Beery Cool, Beer Labels

What should I get for that everyone on my shopping list?

"Impressive. Most impressive. Obi-Wan has taught you well."

I think this says it all.

Who says you can't mix beer and religion?

Or was the saying you can't mix religion and politics? I'm not sure. Maybe it was you can't mix religion and weather? In any case, I do enjoy the idea of praying for beer. I also think that Jesus would've been one heck of a beer pong player. 

A Sign of Good Times

I love the small print: "cans and kegs also work in a pinch." 

I concur. From our home to yours, let's drink. 

Irish Baby

(I'm just assuming this baby is Irish. I have no real proof.)

Look Out Bud Select 55! There's a new water flavored alcohol on the market - It's called Air.

Water - infused with alcohol. Why didn't I think of that!? Thank you, makers of Air.

I'm not sure what to think about this one. But if what you're telling me is that Air has just created a "tonic" that has alcohol in it so I can add even more alcohol to my vodka drinks, then slap me on the bum and call me Shirley. I love it! Adding tonic, soda water or simply water to alcohol is WEAK. It looks like Air is upping the ante on all your favorite mixers, and I for one am elated.

Or think about this - it's 2am, you're getting really toasty, but you don't want to take your foot off the gas pedal until the sun comes up - pop open a can of Air to slow the downward spiral a bit. I used to drink Select 55 for that, but now I have Air. I'm going to start taking a bunch of "Refreshingly Original" photos and post 'em to their Facebook page. I've gotta get a ticket to one of these parties.

They say: Water just got more exciting. Bullshit! Life just got more intoxicating... You can't live without Air.

Makes Me Thirsty For Father's Day Breakfast

Rogue brewery has teamed up with the Portland-based Voodoo Doughnut shop to create a breakfast beer (yes, I realize it can be consumed at any time, but it makes me really want breakfast) that's got my mouth watering. Bacon Maple Ale is available in a 750ml bottle for the low price of only $13.00 (at Rogue's online store).

The down side is that it costs $20 to have it shipped. The up side is that the swine-inspired pink bottle is pretty sweet. And if I decide to have it shipped, it can be here by Father's Day ... which is when I intend to drink it.


But, I'm going to be a bit more thrifty. I hope I can find it in St. Louis, and I hope to enjoy it this Sunday morning with a pound of bacon, three eggs over easy and a maple long john from Donut Drive-In. God Bless Father's Day! And God Bless Rogue Brewing! And God Bless doughnuts ... especially Voodoo Doughnuts! And God Bless America!

Of course I smell like I've been drinking all day, I just took a shower.

Yes, beer smells fantastic. And I'm sure we've all imagined the wonder of swimming in a pool of beer. But until I ran across Beer Soap (website), the idea of cleaning myself with beer never crossed my mind ... except, of course, pouring a little beer on scratches inflicted while chasing an errant washer into the bushes - St. Louis, you know what I'm talking about.

The best part is that they really have a Beer Soap flavor for just about every kind of beer drinker. So, if you're a PBR guy, they've got a soap for you. Or maybe a fruity microbrew is more your style? They've got a soap for you too. It might be a bit pricey by soap standards, ringing in around $7/bar. But I'd say it's definitely worth it for that beer drinker in your life. Hell, throw in a pair of Official Beer Gloves, and you've got yourself a lathering shower loofa that you wear on your hand. We might have to co-pack these beer brothers for the holidays?

The real benefit of this foaming shower friend is that it's the perfect cover for when you're caught sloshed with no real excuse:

Wife (or over-bearing girlfriend): "Where have you been?!! We were supposed to be at my parent's house for dinner three hours ago. I know it doesn't take 9 hours to play a round of golf! You reek!!! Are you completely wasted?"

You: "No way, Babbie. I'm nod runk. I was upstairsh tage'n a shower in that seer boap you got me. I'll be ready to go to yours paren house after I take a quick nap."

Instant forgiveness!

Oh, and that reminds me - I need to put cup holders in the shower. That sweet smell of barley and hops always makes me thirsty...

Everything You Wanted to Know About the World Beer Market

Way to go, America! We can still throw 'em down with the best. Although we should really consider getting our per capita consumption numbers up. They're embarrassing. Even Finland is kicking our ass. 

via 1001 Beer Steins. 

Beer US (Virtual Drinking Tour?)

I'm a fan of many here, but I'd choose Schlafly over Boulevard any day. Of course, that's probably my St. Louis talking. Maybe my goal for the summer will be to virtually drink my way across the country? Time to hit the liquor store...

Keep your other hand free for punching out d-bags

The Kebo One-Handed Bottle Opener is an engineering masterpiece. Long past are the days of wasting time with both your limbs while you try to open a bottle of beer. This modern marvel will not increase your beer drinking productivity - double fisting specialist status - it allows for multi-tasking, which is a great thing to put on your resume.

Buy one here. And enjoy your beer wherever your free hand shall lead you.

I'd like to give your inventors a high five ... while I crack open a bottle of beer ... mostly, because now I can.

Official Beer Glove APPROVED!

Cheers!

Funny, I never considered drinking out of the Liberty Bell before...

Artprint by Dan Grzeca

The Offer Still Stands

I'd still go in...

just for the chance that one of them isn't true.