This Is Not Our Trophy

We're Race Ready

The Official Beer Glove Black Mariah is at weight and ready for tomorrow night's festivities.

There was a moment of panic this afternoon when I got super glue in the wheel well and glued one of the wheels to its axle. Luckily, I had last year's car on hand to pull parts from. Now we have one white wheel on the car. But at least there are four.

Pre-Weigh-In Weight: 5.3 oz.

We're close, but there's going to need to be some weight shaving tonight.

We stopped by Coolfire this afternoon to weigh-in on the official scale. My worst nightmare is coming true. It's too heavy.

Back to the speed shop.

This Year, We're Winning a Trophy

The competition is on. Coolfire Media is hosting its second annual Pinewood Derby race as a fundraiser for the St. Louis Ad Club scholarship program.

Last year we placed well with a car that we thought would be fast. Well, we were wrong. There are faster designs out there. In the speed pool, we placed about 9th. But this year, we're going for a trophy and a spot on the platform.

Below you can see the speedshop. It has all the essentials: pinewood derby kit, plans, a drill, some sandpaper, a scale, wood putty and, last but not least, cold beer.

The car started like all Pinewood Derby cars do. It started as a wood block and a dream.

The first cut is the most difficult. I'm thinking this is the case because we don't have the right tools. It's flippin' hard cutting a small wood block with a circular saw. Lucky for me, I've still got all my digits. So yes, I'm still filling out the Beer Glove with maximum occupancy.

Weighting is key. 5.0 ounces is the limit. We weight from the rear to the middle, using nuts in a hallowed out belly.

Without wood putty, our nuts would fall out. And that would be embarrassing.

Last year's Official Beer Glove car is in the shop as inspiration. In 2008 we thought an arched, batmobile-like body would equal speed. We were wrong. Too many curves just kill your aerodynamics. We've learned our lesson. In 2009, the wedge will lead us to victory.

You can see this year's speed demon taking shape. The lines are subtle. I just hope we can compete with last year's champion. Or maybe he just won't show up.

We've got our first coat of black on the body. She's sleek and beautiful. Tonight, we finish the paint and make sure we're weighing in at 5.0 ounces on the nose.

Official weigh-in is Wednesday night. The event is Thursday night, which is also the kickoff to Ricky's weekend-long bachelor party. I'm likely calling in sick on Friday.

Old T-Shirt Ideas

I like my liver like I like my alcohol ... Hard.

(Pure genius, Brando. Pure, true, genius.)

Now when this shows up in some busted tees design, we can split profits. We're the original, official dumb t-shirt making mutha-fuckas. Beat that.

I like Beer. I like Bourbon. I like BBQ.

What happens when you discover a festival that combines three of your favorite things in the world? You go on a road trip. 

This year the Official Beer Glove Crew will be heading to Nashville to buy cowboys hats, get loaded and sell Official Beer Gloves and OBG t-shirts. 

Should be interesting...

A bottle of whisky bigger than my foot

Big whisky ... and I'm determined to drink it all. Sorry, Tony. I promise to replace the booze and clean up anything that may occur because of it. 

I call ... with my putter

Golf club poker. Sophisticated.

I believe the joke went something like this: You want to hold my putter? (NO) Then how about washing my balls?

Still funny. 

Out Cold

This past weekend was the annual Help Fight Cancer charity softball tournament (http://www.helpfightcancer.com/). 20+ teams involved. We pulled together a ragtag bunch of ballers who, upon further review, were probably more suited to represent the Official Beer Glove in some sort of Bar Olympics rather than a game of softball. 

I'm sure you're thinking, "But Larry, softball is a drinking man's sport!" And to that I would say, "Yes it is." But if you would've witnessed the brutality of the beating we took in the first of our double-elimination outing, you'd think we were all playing piss drunk at 10:00 am. The reality is that only one of us was drunk (Tony hadn't been to sleep yet from a bachelor party the night before. I think you could still smell a mixture of whisky and baby powder from his trip to the East Side.). But if you would've seen the draw we got ... These guys had matching uniforms and matching bat bags ... on wheels ... with all kinds of softball stuff in 'em. We didn't stand a chance. 

The final score of our first game: 25-5. One of their guys hit three home runs that probably went a total distance of 1,600 feet. In comparison, you take Prince Fielder's top three, farthest home run jacks from this year's home run derby, and they probably equal about 1,445 feet. Needless to say, this dude was launching bombs. 

In between games we got to recover from our morning beating. Finally, a chance to throw down a couple cold ones without the pressure of running onto and off the field. A nice game of washers was in order. 

Game 2 was a much better outing. We hit the ball a couple times. We made some plays in the field, and we even scored some runs. When it all came down to it, we actually tied: 8-8. Unfortunately, because of the tie-breaker rules in place for this tournament, we lost. Apparently we were behind after the first inning, so that means we lost if we're tied when the game is called for time. Oh well!

It was a fun afternoon. We ate, we drinked, we played some ball. Should we do it again next year? Of course! Any excuse to get people together and enjoy a few frosty cold ones is a good excuse in my book ... even if that book is a scorebook ... and the score isn't exactly in our favor. 

Cheers!

All-Stars Getting Loaded

The festivities begin. The All-Stars are being shuffled around downtown St. Louis in the backs of pick-up trucks. They wave. They throw stuff to the fans. They go back to their hotels and rest before the All-Star game tonight. It's a beautiful thing........